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Yesterday was emotional for me. I am not sure why. I loved golf in the morning. But I missed my kids terribly. Driving from the golf course, I was excited to see my kids. I arrived home to an empty house. I felt lonely and incomplete.
When the kids arrived home, I was beyond ecstatic. I opened their gifts (see picture). I choked up and was ready to cry. Is it possible to cry over a homemade card in the shape of jacket and tie?
My children are my gift. I want to celebrate each of them. Jaclyn asked, "Dad, did you get all the balls in the hole?". My response, "I sure did, my sweetie!"
Tickets - Free (Thanks Beaz) Water - Free (Thanks Yanks)
National Spelling Bee We are seriously considering entering David into the National Spelling Bee. He has been reading since age 2 (no joke). I learned that he could read when he said "All the News that's fit to print". He was reading the front cover of the NY Times.
OFF THE CHARTS Intelligence is one of the "side affects" of being on the autism spectrum. Right now he can read ANY word (age 6).
I want to do more for him. But I don't know what. I am struggling right now to know what he needs, what he wants, when he needs to be challenged. I have to respect when he needs to drift into his world and embrace him when he returns to our world.
This is painful for me. I am a problem solver with a problem I can not solve.
Fatherhood DOES Matter Hey - I made Best of the Web - check out this site! I am always interested in what other parents are doing - so this is wonderful to be a part of that. Thank you Best of the Web!
On Sunday I realized how far we have come and how far we have to go. There was a magic show at a local amusement park. When the magician asked for volunteers, David raised his hand! I was so proud when he was selected!!
It was on stage and his interaction with the magician that it was uncomfortable. There was a disconnect between who David is an how he acts versus the magician's expectation (asking him not so politely to stay still, move back - don't ruin is magic trick!) The end game was the rabbit was pulled out of the box and everybody lived happily ever after.
The major win was David had a blast! He loved talking about the bunny! My take away from this experience is that maybe I am the issue. It was my discomfort not David's. He had fun in his own way, his own time and in his own space. David is cool in who he is.
Maybe I am the one that needs to change, to grow, to accept.
Milestones for my Children Today Jaclyn celebrated her first Holy Communion. My daughter can now celebrate the Eucharist each week with her parents. What a blessing and what a ceremony today! I am amazed at how she has grown.
I am even more amazed at how time flies by in the life of my children! As a Dad, I am ready for these milestones & I enjoy them. They are touching to me & bring a sense of accomplishment for all of us. So I am savoring & doing my best to live in the moment. I enjoy these days with all my children and I want them to know that.
Jaclyn mentioned that a boy gave her a rose and told her that "he loved her". Now that is a milestone this Dad is not ready for...
Finding God In Autism There is a book, Finding God In Autism, which I have yet to read. However, it looks very intriguing. Rachel has purchased it - so I will check it out when she is done.
You know, I never asked "Why me? Why us? Why my son?" There is an entire autism spectrum and I know every family has their own battles - for better or worse. We have days when we struggle. We are very blessed.
I do find God in autism. I find God in David and I find God in this journey we are on. I am very blessed to be David's Dad.
Don't Mess with my Boys My biggest struggle with David being on the autistic spectrum is developing a connection with him. With a lot of hard work over time - we have developed a deep bond and a true love for one another. What I have been trying hard to do for some time is connect and have it stick. Specifically we are working on proper actions/communication in the social setting. We are working hard to have him do simple things - for example: proper hello/goodbye and eye contact.
Two instances happened today which remind me that we still have work to do. 1) Inappropriate physical and verbal behavior at church and 2) He punched me in the ___ (lets say "boys") at Trader Joe's. It's hard to concentrate on the checkout line when you are seeing stars.
These are not intentional acts. At least I don't sense them to be. It most likely is a call for attention or overwhelmed by the situation (lots of people, lots of sensory inputs).
We've made progress. I love him immensely. It's a gut check (literally) and I know we need to stay the course.
Simple but Powerful Days The last 2 days I worked around the house. Cleaning the garage, cleaning the patio furniture. Getting ready for Spring. Throughout the day all 4 kids joined me outside. They played while I worked. In between work we rode our bikes, played baseball and soccer. What surprised me the most was they wanted to help clean. So we cleaned the patio furniture together - they liked spraying me with the hose!
We went to the park yesterday. Well, actually 2 parks. I can tell each of them enjoyed the days outside because they were exhausted by 7 pm each day. We had a blast.
Simple days but hopefully very powerful connections were built.
I MUST bring my kids to Yankee Stadium this year. However, after experiencing a wild upper deck at Shea.....Do I really want to expose my children to the inhabitants of Yankee Stadium? Anybody have any suggestions? Shall I dare check out the No-Alcohol Bleacher seats?
I really wanted to see my boys tonight. When I arrived home, they were already asleep. Trying hard to fix that daily weekday routine.
I soon realized it was more than a sports story. I soon realized whom it was about - J Mac. I could not give him or his story any justice, so take the time to check out this video.
If you've read the book, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. I will do the same. It is stories like this that keep me going.
Autism Speaks... on CNN Something that saddens me is I often forget the details of where we came from with David.
I guess that is a good thing. But when pressed by others to elaborate on his early years, I struggle. But when I remember the details, I am filled with many emotions. I guess I can go back and read this blog from the beginning. Some day. But I am sure reading it will give me a sense of where we are today. Not that I don't appreciate all the hard work and dedication of everyone. I feel I am living in the now.
Tomorrow (April 2) CNN is devoting a full day of programming to investigating Autism. Wow - impressive. I'll poke around the channel and see of this actually happening.
Charlotte's Web: I laughed, I cried This afternoon I attended a play (class trip) with David. The play (Charlotte's Web) was held in New Haven, so I met the school bus at the auditorium.
I surprised David when he arrived with his classmates. He seemed genuinely excited to see me. In fact, he pulled me over to meet his friends Henry and Jake. It seems like a simple act, but if you know David then you understand. I was shocked at this step of recognition and joy on his part.
I was mentally preparing myself while driving to the auditorium to have low expectations. I guess I feel this especially with David but I think this may hold true with all my kids. It sounds weird to say - but sometimes I find myself so excited to do something with them and be with them. I just don't get that same response back. So maybe it is a protective mechanism? Who knows.
But today on the way home, I was on cloud nine. I enjoyed every moment today with David. Oh this included being surrounded by hundreds (if not thousands) of kids in the auditorium. Kudos to Mrs. A and the teachers!
At dinnertime, he thanked me profusely for coming to the play. I'll do it again and again and again.
20 Years My father died 20 years ago yesterday (Feb 16). Yesterday we honored him with Mass. We were blessed to have my friend Gino (whom I have known for 20 years) and his family join us & welcome us in his restaurant. Shameless Plug Alert: If you are in the Mahopac, NY area, you have to check out Gino's Trattoria. The food is fresh and tastes incredible.
It is hard to believe 20 years have gone by. It is hard to believe how far I have come from that turning point in my life. Truth be told, I never thought I would make it.
The highlight of the day was watching the kids. 8 kids in a restaurant - so well behaved, having so much fun together. They had a blast. I looked around yesterday and knew I was blessed.
Dad - we love you and miss you. Your legacy moves forward.
Sweetheart Dance Today, J and I attended the sweetheart dance. It was a girls date with their daddies. It was square dancing fun! From what I can tell - she had a blast. As for me.....let's put it this way....Last Sunday I was at the Super Bowl (Go Giants!). That was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Today was better. Much better. I would not have traded today for anything in the world. Not even Superbowl tickets.
Dreams I often wonder what my children dream about. I always ask them, but they can't seem to quantify. Dream thoughts have arisen more frequently when talking to my mom. She mentioned that after my Dad died, she dreamed often about my Dad. This was years after his death. I imagine this to be a bit intriguing for her, but also sad (because the dreams probably felt real). That hurts me.
I continue to wonder - what do my children dream about? Maybe they just dream about what happened to them that day. It sounds so simple. So I hope their days were filled with happiness, joy and laughter. I pray that their dreams are filled with the same.
American Idol Jaclyn, David and I had a blast watching American Idol this week. Contestants sang and J & D gave their judgement - a thumbs up or thumbs down. We danced and laughed for an hour.
One of the best things I truly enjoy about being a Dad is being silly and just laughing. I also want to ensure the kids learn there is a time to be silly and a time for serious stuff. In a lot of ways, I am learning how to be a Dad "on the fly". Sounds a bit scary to still be learning while having 4 kids. But it is the truth and I guess it comes with being human.
So I am enjoying the little moments with the little ones.
I may be biased, but this Dad gets 2 thumbs up!
Modern Day Dad Balancing Act I struggle mightily with balancing work / life balance. On second thought, that's not fair to say I am balancing ONLY 2 things. I struggle with balancing dedication to work, commitment to family, carving out time for myself, time with children, preparing for our family's future, monthly date nights, dialogue, reaching out to family and friends...The list goes on.
I wonder specifically what my children think. What is their impression of Dad? I wonder - Do they understand? I wonder - Do they really care? Or simply, all they really want is time with Dad? Am I up to the challenge? Can I balance it all?
As I sit here contemplating, Jaclyn just kissed me on the cheek. I guess that says it all.
David's Favorite Planet David loves astronomy. Specifically, David is in love with the planets.
Actual conversation in our household
David: Dad, Do you want to know facts about Uranus? Dad: (with bad mental image in his head).....Um, sure. David: Did you know that Uranus is the 7th planet from the sun. Dad: (with sigh of relief upon recognition of which Uranus we are talking)....WOW!
This morning we went downstairs first thing in the morning. Dad: This apple is big. Do you want to split an apple? David: Will you have half of it? Dad: Yes David: Then yes, I would like to split an apple with you for breakfast and you can listen to me as I tell you jokes.
I listened and laughed at David as he read from his joke book. I love listening to David - whether it is about apples, planets or topics yet to un-cover.
Fathers and Sons For the first time in a long time I feel like I connected to David - human to human.
For the past two days David has greeted me warmly and dare I say even happily. I asked him how his play date was and he explained to me why it was cancelled. This was all done in great detail (you have to know David to appreciate this). Today after greeting me I asked him how he was feeling (knowing he was feeling sick). He told me about his "green stickies on his nose" (in great detail of course). Basically he had a stuffy nose with green mucus.
JP had his first OFFICIAL play date. He was so excited to know his Dad was very proud of him.
There is one major thing I am (PLACE EMOTION HERE) about not doing with my Dad. I never had a chance to have an ADULT conversation with him.
I really am striving to build a relationship with my sons now. It hurts me when I am failing at that. God willing, he will allow me that opportunity to guide my sons into adulthood. I continue to beat up the treadmill pondering daily fatherhood matters.
Burdens of a Father I have been burdened this week (for many reasons) of focusing on protecting my children. I feel this extreme desire (good) as well as pressure (bad) that I must protect them. It sounds sort of "caveman-ish", archaeic or even animalistic. But even as I type, I am not sure how to truly express it.
I have an overwhelmingly passion to continue to support their needs and desires financially. That is interplayed with the notion that this financial support is dependant on other factors (people, my company). This support is immediate as well as long term. I have an overwhelmingly sense I need to protect them from "the dangers of the outside world". I have this overwhelming fear that I am turning into my father (is this good or bad?)
One example I remember is a gut wrenching feeling when I learned my kids would be taking the bus to school - I could not imagine ENTRUSTING their safety with someone else.
So I wonder, will these feelings always be a part of me as a Dad? I also wonder if these feelings a part of something that all Dad's face?
I continue to beat up the treadmill on a daily basis pondering Fatherhood matters.
Happy Halloween We had a blast on Halloween (& during the days before). Attached is a photo of the Halloween Crew. You will see 3 of the 4 O'Leary kids. We had an entire crew from our neighborhood join us (no photo credentials provided for others). So 2 Years in a Row of Trick or Treating - it looks like a neighborhood tradition is brewing!
The following is an excerpt of a conversation between myself and JP. We were holding hands behind the trick or treat pack (as he could not keep up to the older kids, although JP tried)
Dad: JP, you okay? JP: Yes, Daddy.......but Dad? Dad: Yes, JP? JP: Will you protect me? Dad: JP, I am always here for you & I will always protect you! JP: but Dad......I was SO SO scared of the scary music Dad: oh JP, don't worry I am here and I will protect you. Dad: (after a melodramatic pause) ...Besides, you are SUPERMAN! (putting out my arms for emphasis) JP: but Dad....I am not superman....I am just JP!
Happy Birthday Smiley McGee What can I say? This girl is beautiful, friendly, sometimes shy, loves to walk, eat & LOVES HER DADDY. I can't believe one year has passed already. She is here, enjoying life and her siblings. She loves Jackie. She is intrigued by David. Cackles with JP.
Happy Birthday Abigail! You have a wonderful spirit! I look forward to many more years with you & seeing the wonderful girl you will become.
Dad, The Weekend Warrior Rachel is leading a woman's retreat this weekend. This means it is Daddy 24x7 with the kids for the weekend (minus Abigail who is hanging with the Trovarelli family - kudos to them).
I awoke this morning with 2 of 3 kids in my bed. We went to the Red Rooster for breakfast (after chasing a garden snake back into the forest). I typically go on dates with my daughter to the Red Rooster. She gave the OK to let her brothers into our world. The owners were fantastic - very accomodating to us & they even tuned the TV to Disney! A very welcoming & charming place with delicious food!
After breakfast, we attempted to see local little league games, but nobody was playing. We stopped by Goose Lake & then went to Dickinson Park. Kids had a blast on the "wooden playground". Next we went to Reed School Park which included a large spider web to climb! Our day wrapped up by attending a local Craft Fair & eating cupcakes!
We finally arrived home around 3:30 pm and we watched 2 movies - Narnia & The Wild.
Raviolis wrapped our day ("These are my favorite!" - kids exclaim).
Outdoor Fun + Tired Kids + Exhausted Dad = AWESOME DAY!
Attention Shoppers! I enjoy spending time with my kids. I am trying to balance the previous fact with my time to relax - specifically mental breaks. I have not come up with a solution yet, but trying. Any solutions out there?
One of things I like to do is spend time with the boys on Saturday mornings. Very simply, WE DO ERRANDS! YEH! This mostly consists of food shopping or car maintenance or general "around town" stuff. We try to make the food shopping fun where the boys help me pick out stuff, we receive a slice of cheese from the deli person, and they get to ride in "Marty". Marty is the name they gave to that extra long grocery cart shaped like a firetruck (or car or truck or PLACE ANY TYPE OF VEHICLE A BOY WOULD LOVE HERE). Most recently, they have become my little shoppers with their little "shopper in training" carts. (see photo).
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